We know reading is hard (it is for us), so we'll keep it simple, like a, b, c...

  1. The Sharp Stuff: Knives, multitools, and EDC gear that actually KutZ.
  2. The Soft Stuff: Fine "KutZ" of cloth... Shirts, hoodies, jackets, hats, caps, cloths, beanies, OH MY!! ...so CEWL they're sure to offend your mother-in-law.
  3. The Stuff in a Box: We put in a box. We put other stuff in the box. We send the box. You get the box. You open the box. END Boredom!

Rinse & Repeat.

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"Warning: This website contains humor, sharp objects, and satire. If you are allergic to freedom or laughing, please close the tab immediately."


Curated by self-proclaimed C.E.W.L KatZ........Approved by the real Experts!

C.E.W.L. KutZ Kustom TierZ

"Math is hard. Clicking is easy! Paying full price is a tax on stupid. Don't be stupid, click an option below....

...And it may just save you money for your bail fund."

Boot Kamp ~ Mouth Breather

Boot Kamp ~ Mouth Breather

Boot Kamp ~ Mouth Breather
$45.00 USD
Tier 1 ~ Gray Crayon Eater

Tier 1 ~ Gray Crayon Eater

Tier 1 ~ Gray Crayon Eater
$59.00 USD
Tier 2 ~ Window Licker

Tier 2 ~ Window Licker

Tier 2 ~ Window Licker
$99.00 USD
Tier 3 ~ C.E.W.L. Commander

Tier 3 ~ C.E.W.L. Commander

Tier 3 ~ C.E.W.L. Commander
$149.00 USD

Curated Quality

We KutZ Up and we joke but when it comes to our KutZ we mean business with handpicked selections for true connoisseurs...we abstain from crayons during the curating process!

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Artistry in Every Box

Each box encapsulates a world of refined choices, thoughtfully selected to inspire and delight in even the biggest and tastiest window fronts!

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Littered with low-brow humor...

Stay back, sensitive souls! If you’re looking for a safe space and a participation trophy, you’ve wandered into the wrong wasteland.

Here at CEWL, our boxes come standard with a heavy dose of unfiltered humor and razor-sharp satire. We’re talking the kind of wit that hits like a stale crayon to the forehead. We believe life is too short to be taken seriously—especially when everything is burning down around us anyway.

⚠️ A Fair Warning to the Fragile:

  • The "Butt-Hurt" Need Not Apply: If you find yourself offended by jokes that push the envelope, save your stamps.
  • Littered with Chaos: Our gear is high-quality, but our jokes are unapologetically low-brow.
  • Window Lickers Welcome: We cater to the gritty, the bold, and the hilariously unhinged.

If you can handle a little salt with your satire and don't mind a brand that laughs in the face of the apocalypse, then welcome to the fold. Grab a crayon, take a seat by the broken glass, and let’s get weird.

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